6 Ways you can help your autistic teen build better social relationships
Xavier Olmo • August 23, 2023
Parenting an individual with autism has its unique challenges. Challenges where not only do you bare the weight that comes with providing the material needs of your loved one but also in providing the best possible quality of life that doesn't only go as far as their childhood. In fact, in many cases, parents can be tasked with this through the course of their entire life. Adolescence is especially challenging since it is often a crucial pivoting point for your loved one depending on where they stand developmentally. As parents, we want our teens to thrive just like any other, as they most certainly should, but can often be faced with an uphill battle in figuring out how. How to best equip your loved one with the social skills they need to best navigate life as a neurodivergent individual among a generally neurotypical society. Encouraging social interactions for an autistic teenager can be a complex and delicate process. Here are some strategies that might help:
1. Understanding and Empathy:
Your approach to this should start with employing the right attitude. If you're intent is to "fix" or "cure" their challenges in how they navigate the social world around them, you already start on the wrong foot. It's important to understand that socializing is uniquely challenging for autistic individuals due to differences in social communication and sensory processing and your approach should reflect this understanding with a healthy dose of empathy that is to put yourself in their situation and see the matter from their perspective.
2. Identify Interests: Spend one-on-one time with your teen and make room in your heart for a genuine curiosity toward what it is that interests them socially. Its a natural tendency to wave off or even turn our noses up to present day pop culture; pop culture that gives you no sense of nostalgia which, in turn, gives you little to no sense of interest towards it. It's natural to have no interest in or even look down on figures like Drake and Lil Yachty if you grew up listening to Big Pun and DMX. Spending time with your teen with an open mind can help you identify their interests or even help them discover new interests. Identifying these can give you a basis to work with in finding common ground for interactions with others. Whether it's a hobby, a game, or a topic they are passionate about, these shared interests can act as conversation starters or windows for contribution in fruitful conversation or even debate.
3. Consider ABA Therapy:
Consider enrolling your teenager in ABA programs. Such programs are designed to teach individuals on the autism spectrum about social cues, appropriate responses and how to navigate social situations effectively. When done appropriately with a provider that employs an empathetic approach, ABA therapy can be massively effective in helping your teen develop effective social skills for a better quality of life. In contrast, using a therapist that employs a more disciplinarian approach can have a chronic, scarring effect on your teen even if their methods prove effective in "correcting the behavior" in the short term.
4. Structured Social Activities:
Engage your teenager in structured autism/disability-friendly social activities, like clubs, focused social groups or classes that align with their interests. These settings can provide a more predictable environment for social interactions. Take care to start out with smaller social settings before moving on to larger ones. Small, One-on-one interactions or small group activities can help your teenager feel more comfortable and build confidence.
5. Embrace awkwardness:
This may be a controversial take but contrary to popular belief, being "awkward" in social settings is not at all out of the ordinary and many are beginning to wear that aspect of themselves on their sleeve. In fact, places like TikTok consistently demonstrate that one is never alone in anything... ANYTHING. Whatever your character traits, social/economic situation, thoughts or ideas are, you are part of a group by default and very likely even have your own hashtag like "autismtok" or "popbellydadstok." The ability to build social relationships doesn't have to rely on being the most charismatic or outgoing with an endless supply of small talk. Premising social interactions with an endearing truth about your inherently, yet unintentionally wooden demeanor, for example, can have a net positive effect in outcomes while diminishing the need to be anyone but your true self in its most situationally-appropriate form.
5. Positive Reinforcement:
Provide positive reinforcement and praise when your teenager engages in social interactions, even if they are small steps. Positive feedback is universally euphoric and can act as a major confidence booster and motivator to keep up the effort... Just don't be over-the-top about it and unintentionally create an embarrassing situation for everyone involved.
As they old saying goes, "Rome wasn't built overnight." Progress takes time and consistent effort, and it's important to celebrate even the smallest achievements. Every autistic individual is unique, so tailor your approach to your teenager's specific needs and preferences. Additionally, consulting with professionals experienced in working with autistic individuals can provide additional guidance and support.
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